Two weeks ago I received an email about iVillage's Mind Body Challenge and I was interested to see what it was about. I read it and became even more interested in this six week challenge that intends to take this flabby mother of two and give her the motivation to actually complete something in six weeks.

Now I signed up hoping that in the two weeks that I had to plan for this most auspicious event that I would check all my fears at the door and open my email on April 24th and be ready to handle whatever the powers that be at iVillage had in store for me. Then after a couple of days with my contract on my fridge (also known as my best friend and worst enemy) I began to get a little nervous. I wondered if I actually could commit to this process and I didn't even know what the process was.Last night, my last night of freedom from this contractual obligation that I have put on myself, I was actually scared to death. Am I good enough for this? Will this work for me? I assure you that nothing else has.

Then came my dreams. All night I had iVillage "nightmares" about what to expect today. I had the tell-tale dream that my coach, who looks so nice, kind, and centered, was at my door yelling at me to drop the cookies and hit the floor and give her 50 push ups. I am a person who has spent my life firmly believing that the only people that should run are people that are being chased...and only by a person with a knife or better yet a gun.

So what did I do this morning? I woke up and I slowly approached my laptop. I stared it in the eyes (you know what I mean) and I begged it's forgiveness. I prayed that my coach was not going to send me the email from hell proclaiming that I am a fat, senseless loser and it is now her mission on earth to get me in shape come hell or high water or whatever comes first. So I clicked the button and turned on my laptop and as she ( I actually call my laptop Gladys) was buzzing into life I did the thing that I do best. I took off. I got in the shower, avoided facing the contract or Gladys' many attempts to get me to notice her and I went to work.

On my way to work I realized just how much that one moment at the computer pretty much summed up the past 33 years of my life. Before I could even judge for myself the difficulty of the challenge I quit and immersed myself into my work. I came home and ran for Gladys. I am no longer going to quit before I start. I wanted to know this challenge that was before me and I wanted to beat it. Not just get it done but beat it to a bloody pulp and show my inner laziness (which is almost horribly reflected in my outer self) that I really can do this, no matter what it is. I thought that I would need a Gatorade and to knock out a couple of chin ups to be ready for the information that Gladys was going to give to me. Then I remembered that I have never stored Gatorade of any type in my home for any reason and I don't think I knocked out chin ups since 1978 so I decided to just sit down, kill the dramatics, and read my email. I also promised myself that I wouldn't hurt Gladys... she's just the messenger.

Imagine my shock, horror, surprise, and ELATION that today's assignment was to find sacred space. I stressed out at work all day for some alone space. If I had the courage to check my mail I wouldn't have had the freak out session in my mind. If I faced that little fear I would have known that I had nothing to fear.

So now I'm breathing a little easier and locating some space in my apartment that I can truly call my own. Being that my apartment is roughly the size of the average Subway restaurant I have a challenge on my hands but not nearly the challenge my mind had over my body today.

Day one down, rest of my life to go. How did you do today?

Be Well!
Regina